Okay so, last week I had three exams and since I didn't study during the holidays nor in the time I had in January (cause I was too busy to study) I ended up studying for each test the day before, that was some crazy shit, I thought I was going to die under the pressure and stress.
I did quite alright on the first test, on the second one I did better than expected; yet again, I'm pretty sure I failed at it, and the third one was quite alright too. So this week I'll have my two final tests and well I had like 4 days to get ready for the one I have on Tuesday but oh well shit happened and now I only have one day to learn 4 months of class (WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!).
But anyways, this past week has been so harsh: lack of sleep, studying like hell, asking
Castiel God for mercy and I've been SO depressed. I keep thinking about how failing all these exams because of being lazy will just ruin my summer (since I'll have to spend it studying to repeat those tests in September) and I feel like living in hell.
Today I found this amazing banana costume on a magazine and it's only like 25€ and I have the money so it'll be mine next Friday. And then while I was on YouTube I just had this very huge existential crisis cause all of the exams and shit I must study and all the work and CHRIST... I'm at this point in which I feel so depressed and unhappy but can't manage to articulate my thoughts into words and therefore, can't even talk to people about it. Honestly though, I have an enormous existential crisis, today I after finishing taking a shower I just sat in the tub feeling like crap for like 20 minutes (that's a lot of water being wasted and it's not even funny)
ALL I feel like doing is dropping out of college but then what's gonna happen? LIFE'S SO HARSH AND DIFFICULT, and then I find videos like this one (worst part is that I wasn't even looking for this):
And then, a year later; the sequel:
And I think: "DANG IT DAN! You're so right!", but sure, you're freaking YouTube famous, it ain't like you're gonna miss college at all, but what about me? I'm not talented enough to try anything by my own and I'm not even old enough to get a job (my visa wouldn't allow it anyway) and then I'm so unhappy but I can't do anything about it, which leads to AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. Gosh I don't even know what's this post, I'll just wait until exams season it's over and then I'll see what do to.
Tomorrow I have a hell of things to study, for a damn career that I hate, knowing that I will fail anyway, oh yes I have a lot of motivation... this is pretty much what will happen:
GOD I'm heading to the biggest crash... this Dan guy is amazing btw.