HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

Okay so, last week I had three exams and since I didn't study during the holidays nor in the time I had in January (cause I was too busy to study) I ended up studying for each test the day before, that was some crazy shit, I thought I was going to die under the pressure and stress.

I did quite alright on the first test, on the second one I did better than expected; yet again, I'm pretty sure I failed at it, and the third one was quite alright too. So this week I'll have my two final tests and well I had like 4 days to get ready for the one I have on Tuesday but oh well shit happened and now I only have one day to learn 4 months of class (WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!).

But anyways, this past week has been so harsh: lack of sleep, studying like hell, asking Castiel God for mercy and I've been SO depressed. I keep thinking about how failing all these exams because of being lazy will just ruin my summer (since I'll have to spend it studying to repeat those tests in September) and I feel like living in hell.

Today I found this amazing banana costume on a magazine and it's only like 25€ and I have the money so it'll be mine next Friday. And then while I was on YouTube I just had this very huge existential crisis cause all of the exams and shit I must study and all the work and CHRIST... I'm at this point in which I feel so depressed and unhappy but can't manage to articulate my thoughts into words and therefore, can't even talk to people about it. Honestly though, I have an enormous existential crisis, today I after finishing taking a shower I just sat in the tub feeling like crap for like 20 minutes (that's a lot of water being wasted and it's not even funny)

ALL I feel like doing is dropping out of college but then what's gonna happen? LIFE'S SO HARSH AND DIFFICULT, and then I find videos like this one (worst part is that I wasn't even looking for this):

And then, a year later; the sequel:

And I think: "DANG IT DAN! You're so right!", but sure, you're freaking YouTube famous, it ain't like you're gonna miss college at all, but what about me? I'm not talented enough to try anything by my own and I'm not even old enough to get a job (my visa wouldn't allow it anyway) and then I'm so unhappy but I can't do anything about it, which leads to AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. Gosh I don't even know what's this post, I'll just wait until exams season it's over and then I'll see what do to.

Tomorrow I have a hell of things to study, for a damn career that I hate, knowing that I will fail anyway, oh yes I have a lot of motivation... this is pretty much what will happen:

GOD I'm heading to the biggest crash... this Dan guy is amazing btw.

Whyyyyy

How the heck am I supposed to study and differentiate the pyramids? They're all the FREAKING same for God's sake..

I'm ashamed but not really but yes in part

I haven't post in like forever because I was too busy with college and then vacation came in and then I was too lazy to write, there were certain moments in which I just thought of writing but then it was like no. So anyways, I survived college so far, my grades kinda suck and that really hit me since I used to be the perfect nerd with perfect grades and stuff, I don't really give a dang about any of my classes but I need good grades to survive so I'm quite worried about that; there's this one class (I'm not sure if I can translate it; it'd be something like: History of Thought and Esthetic Ideas) the teacher hated every single one of my essays... I think I could have tried harder though, I still think the last one I did was pretty cool (but short, and I don't really know how much I got on that one).

So anyways, vacation came in and since all of my test will be at the end of this month I was supposed to study and yes, I said "was" cause truth is I didn't study anything (I did try one day but it didn't work out). We need to make like a thousand (and very annoying) catalog cards and my friends and I made some sort of arrangement in which we would all do cards of different periods and then we would exchange them and that way we'd work less; guess what! I didn't do anything, we were supposed to exchange the cards today so I figured they would call me and crap so my phone is purposely death and I'm so not logging on Facebook, so yeah, I didn't study at all (which puts in me in a huge risk of failing when I actually had lots of chances of surviving and that'd pretty much mean that all the effort I gave before vacation was for nothing)  and I didn't do my stupid catalog cards and I'm running away from my friends so that they won't discover how much of a lazy ass I am and hate me forever.

Next week classes will begin and I see myself in a huge struggle, I have two assignments I was supposed to do in vacation and that's another pain in the ass I'm dealing with. So I feel quite ashamed for that, I used to be so amazing at high school, college is just turning all wrong, but anyways, I figure that if I wasn't studying something that I hate so much I wouldn't be in this situation, you just don't know how annoying it is to make catalog cards of egyptian hypogeums when you're on vacation; honestly: I still can't believe I have to go back to that hell next week, and yes I understand this is all my fault and there's people who has more horrible problems than I do and I'm stupid and I might need an idioctomy.

The good thing of all this; I took this free time to read a bunch of stuff about illustration and I think I'm doing some progress, I have a huge list of ideas I want to work on and some tutorials that seem pretty cool, my uncles gave me a tablet for Christmas and I already started working in a project that includes meatballs and zombies (I have such a huge crush on zombies) and with luck it might become something awesome that people will enjoy. My cousin Sandra (who I admire and love a loooot) gave me this cool book by Lawrence Zeegen and I've learned so much about creative thinking that my head has now a bunch of ideas (which never ever ever happens so it's like omg) and next time I'm free I'm going to create some awesome stuff (hopefully).

At the end of the day I came here just because I figured I would have more chances to be successful as an artist and the reason why I'm ashamed but not really but yes in part is because even thought I didn't spend my vacation studying about some ancient crap I did improve that artistic part of myself that I ignore most of the time, so technically, if you think about priorities: I should be some sort of full-time artist and part-time student. Anyways, those are the kind of things I like to think to feel less guilty about not spending my holidays studying.

I would recommend you all to check all of these amazing stuff I found while procrastinating, my creative outburst was highly influenced by all of these:

• The Key of Awesome: this is from a YouTube channel called "BarelyPolitical", they do sketches and parodies that are freaking hilarious, it's just so freaking awesome, and I got a lot of ideas from their videos.
• Todd Womack: He's one of the members of the BarelyPolitical team, and also a stand-up comedian, he's got his own channel called "Wombatron" and his hilarious personality and sense of humor just makes my day everyday.
• The Barely Guys: a skecth from The Key of Awesome, highly recommended if you like awesome and puppets (I ship Doug and Glenn so bad). Glenn is just so awesome, he's the most complex puppet there!
• Viet-My Bui: Australian artist, she's so incredibly talented and inspirational, I'd love to meet her so bad. She's quite in a situation similar to mine (she also thinks college is equal to hell's mouth... she handles it much better than me though). I will forever thank Sandra for letting me know about her existence.
• I don't remember what other artists I found, there's for example Ryan Pequin (Three Word Phrase), Pendleton Ward (Bravest Warriors), Dianna Agron (You, Me & Charlie), Tessa Violet (MeekaKitty), more people.
• Les Misérables: fight, dream, hope, love (I'm still dying).

There has to be more things, I just honestly can't remember, Anyways, vacation were great, I went to Valencia and had such a good time, I visited the City of Arts and Sciences and it was soooo beautiful, and well, me finally being able to connect with my artistic self and actually starting to draw again just makes me feel so amazing right now (last time I draw was before coming to Spain).

Tomorrow I will start studying/starting my assignments/the stupid catalog cards/maybe turning my phone on and facing my friends (maybe not, who knows? I do will try tough). So yes, from my last post to today this is what has happened. Jackeline was right when she said I wouldn't study at all, next week is going to be a living hell, that's for sure.

This is the part in which I can help myself and I post a thousand videos, first, there's this extremely weird video I did about a bunny, it doesn't really make any sense, I don't even know why I did it, but enjoy:

Did you like it? Cause the beginning is like no but then when he sings I like it. Anyway, now look at this amaaazing video Jackeline made for me on my birthday it's so cool and I was like smiling and sobbing and dying:

Misha Collins omfg! Thank you sooooo much!

Take a look at this short YouTube series which is kinda weird but that I find SO FUNNY, it's called "DESTIEL", and it's just about Dean taping Castiel on camera all day while they just do random stuff at their house, that guy's impression of Dean it's freaking hilarious:

I love thissss (They have only made 4 episodes so far, but there are more coming up!). Don't you love Dean's impression? Now these are videos of MeekaKitty:

I love her.

(She was in the official music video of that song!) Now look at these super funny videos from BarelyPolitical... The Key of Awesome ROCKS!

This parody is stuck in my head forever. Seriously, I love it to death. Now thisss:

These are two of their coolest sketches:

The "K. Stew Explains" sketch is pricelesss!

That was the Super Therapy sketch (by the way; the guy who played Travis is Todd Womack, told ya he has amazing!), now these are The Barely Guys!

I still believe one day Doug will love Glenn. Anyway, I love every single video from BarelyPolitical and I if you like these videos you should subscribe to them for more awesome. Wish me luck for tomorrow (technically today, since it's 2am already), I'm gonna need it.

Ok and just one more video:

You can download the song for free!

Hey guys it's Ricardo!

I'm really sorry I haven't been posting anything! Is just that I haven't had the time with college.. I think I'm doing well, not perfect, but well, there's still a huge risk that I get kicked out (since I don't feel like being able to approve the final tests) but oh well, all I can do is prepare myself and do my best, I'm currently doing homework, I have A LOT..

I'm really happy here! Madrid must be on the top 5 of most beautiful cities in the world, I'm completely in love with the city and the people and the everything, I hate History of Art and therefore I kinda hate going to university, but I'm making great friends and that keeps me looking forward to go see them there.

I wish I could show you something, but the truth is that I haven't taken any picture since I got here, I just recently got a new phone with a camera and I might come back with pictures for my next post, so be excited for that (?). Some interesting things had happened, like there was a strike last Wednesday and some gypsy girls stole one of my new friend's phone (it was crazy).

Anyway, I better get back to my homework (even though it's freaking 10pm). But before I go here's the music video for a song that I discovered here and has now become my jam:

Look! It's Effy! Btw, when voting for the PCA's I had to choose between Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles... to whoever decided to put them against each other in the same category: not cool okay.

UPDATE

It's kinda been like ten years since I posted anything and I'm sorry that is been so long but I finally have access to the University's virtual campus and I'm supposed to study A LOT of crap (cause that's what it is) and the truth is that I haven't study pretty much anything (only a bit of one of the classes), and I have this voice in my head saying "You can't have fun! You're supposed to study!", so I don't study and I don't have fun either, pretty much all I do is sleeping and looking at the ceiling.

However, I do have done some cool stuff, remember the Light's poster I posted before? (you can see it if you scroll down!), so ever since I created Hermioline I've been making a bunch of crazy stuff with Photoshop, putting my face onto everyone and everything. I did most of them pretty quick and didn't care that much about details (so no one is as cool as Hermioline, which, by the way, took me forever). I'm not going to post all of them, since there are too many and the majority are really embarrassing, but here are my  two favorites!

NEW OTP: RICARIONE (it sounds horrible but I don't care enough)

This one just needed to be done, it doesn't look all that real, I guess my photoshop abilities aren't good enough, also, my webcam's quality really sucks, but anyways, I love it! Hermione is just the best character ever made and I so wanted to make it look like I'm the film with her (Ricarione kinda sounds like an Italian name for food, I think). So yeah, it needed to be done!

A true hero was born.

That is the silliest thing I've ever done (omg). So my friend Jackeline and I invented this superheroes back in high school; WiseGirl and CleverBoy, who are based on us, I'm currently working on a superhero story that is gonna rock and I'm going to make them (us) real characters! It's going to be really cool. And well, that's not really how things happened for CleverBoy, I mean, radioactive pills? (wth), that's just something silly I did to entertain my friends (the way they actually obtained their powers is really cool). I'm sorry for my face in the last photo, I did my best haha.

So anyways, I'm also trying to get started into drawing again (as I told you in my last post) and I've done millions of tries and have only made a few things that I like. I made a cartoonish self portrait and a drawing of InkGirl (another superhero I'm creating, based on Jackeline too!) and her Sidekick. It's not really finished yet, but take a look!

From left to right: InkGirl, me and InkGirl's sidekick (Nathan).

Once I'm done with it, I'll color it in Photoshop and it's going to be amazing. So anyway, I've done some cool stuff lately and I'm happy about that, I wish I'd join to NaNoWriMo but with the whole problem I have right now with college I don't think it's going to be a good idea, sadly, you must put first what you have to do instead of what you want to do. But oh well, if things go well I'll get to write on December (I've got some pretty cool ideas).

I also wanted to share something really awesome with you; it's a short film called Bench Seat, directed by Anna Mastro (she's quite unknown but amazing). So as I was saying; Bench Seat is the love story of a young couple on the verge of either staying together or breaking up. Honestly, I think what I liked the most was the music (since it's a musical), I've been looking for the soundtrack everywhere! So here's the trailer:

Isn't it awesome? I've seen the film three times already and I can't help to smile a lot all the time. As I said it's a short film and it only lasts 14 minutes (which sucks, I want more!), and you can watch it online [here]. I've loved Kyle Riabko ever since I found out he existed in 90210 (I'm getting a vibe that Ian might come back for Teddy in the next season, I can feel it) and he sings really good, and now I've become a Cassie Scerbo fan (I first saw her in Make it or Break it but never really fell in love with the show). So anyways, you can watch the whole film on YouTube so go and do that right now!

Updating with the rest of my life; as I said before I'm not studying anything which means there's a huge risk that I'll fail every single test once I get to Spain and finally end up having to come back to Venezuela anyway (yet again, it ain't like I understand anything from the virtual campus so even if I try on reading all that crap I might fail anyway). I'm still waiting for my Visa, I might get it tomorrow so that's a good thing, after that I'll buy plane tickets, go to my house, get my stuff, say goodbye to friends, family, my dog and then GOODBYE Venezuela (hopefully, for a long while).

And that's about it, if I'm lucky my next post will be something like: "I'm leaving today/tomorrow!" or maybe "I'm already gone!". May the odds be ever in my favor, wish me luck.